Deeper then the Ocean
by Miss Kitty1
Summary: Set after the episode "The Berrisford Agenda," Alec takes a walk to the beach.


Disclaimer: I don't own any of the Dark Angel characters they all belong to James Cameron. I am making no profit from this story.

**Deeper then the ocean**  
  
The beach, or what was left of it, was off limits, sealed of by the sector police. The metal fences littered with posters and graffiti prevented anyone getting onto the stony beach beyond. There were holes in the galvanised iron where many had tried but failed to get through to the other side. Burnt out shells of cars lay in front of the fence, a reminder of the riots which had followed the pulse.  
  
To any person the beach was an area that could not be reached but to X5494 the beach was his haven; a place where he could sit undisturbed and think about what was wrong with his life for hours on end. Occasionally he had to cut his visit short because a hover drone would fly past or a police patrol boat would pass close to the beach.  
  
Alec stood in the shadows across the street from the iron barrier. He stood their casing the area for a sign of anybody or more importantly any sector police. Satisfied that the coast was clear he moved silently across the street avoiding any rubbish in his way. He waited until the very last moment then leapt up into the air and cleared the fence in one swift movement.  
  
He landed on the other side smoothly and looked about him. The once colourful stones were now dull and grey, broken shells lay half buried in rubbish no longer inhabited by a crab or some other creature. The remains of boats and petrol cans, the ones that could not be salvaged, sat discarded at the waters edge.  
  
The cool night air smelt stale and of dead fish. The smell of the ocean was drowned out, suffocated by the smell of decomposition. There was a light breeze blowing across the beach from the ocean that allowed a momentary breach of fresh sea air to swallow Alec before it disappeared again.  
  
Alec sighed and walked over to the waters edge, he looked down at the dark water lapping at his shoes, his reflection stared back up at him with the same look of misery. He laughed slightly and kicked the water. His reflection vanished in a distortion of colours and light, "I'm always alright," he muttered quietly, his voice dull. The truth is he's not alright. He thought that finally getting to tell Rachel how he felt would make everything alright, that he would finally be able to forgive himself Rachel had stood in front of him on the stairs, her brown eyes had brightened when she had seen him, "Simon what are you doing?" she had asked brightly. He remembered the fear that had taken control of her when he had told her, the hurt, "...I was sent here to kill your father..." the resentment, "...you were my job."  
  
Alec moved away from the edge and sat on a piece of driftwood behind him. He looked up at the moon, "I'm sorry Rachel," he whispered, he reached down and picked up an old piece of newspaper that was coated in oil and began to scrunch it into a ball. He had visited Rachel's grave as a last attempt to let go, to put his mind at rest but he couldn't forget that it was his fault she was in that grave.  
  
He stood quickly. _What am I doing?_ He thought, _I came here to finally let go_. He had taken the day off work to sit around his apartment drinking himself into a comatose state. It had worked for about an hour until he started thinking about what her father had told him, _"Even though she is gone, I'm still Rachel's father, I still wanna do the right thing, make her proud of me."_ Alec kept saying it, sitting in an armchair unable to sit still just repeating it over and over, "...do the right thing..." Now he was at the beach, he was meant to be letting go.  
  
He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a picture of Rachel. He had taken it from her house the last time he had been there. She was smiling her brilliant smile and staring straight into the camera and was sitting at her piano. He moved his fingers gently over her face and closed his eyes. _Rachel. I can't forgive myself for what I have done. I lost someone very dear to me that day. I love you Rachel, I know that now. I can only honour you by doing the right thing now."_  
  
Alec opened his eyes and looked out over the ocean. The sun was beginning to emerge from the horizon and was casting an orange glow. _To make you proud._He lowered his arm and let go of the photo. He watched it flutter from his hand to the water; her face was smiling up at him from beneath the watery surface as it began to disappear."Goodbye."Alec watched the water quietly, a single tear running down his cheek, he felt his resentment for himself ease slightly and he smiled. He turned slowly and started to walk away from the sea and away from the beach.


End file.
